I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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