I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
