She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
