Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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