I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
