You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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