You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
