My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
