So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
