you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
