More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sext me about skeletons
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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