Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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