I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize