I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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