Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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