We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You are the jesus of drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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