I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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