you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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