What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
