IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
