Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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