I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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