Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
