O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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