Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got so high we made milksteak
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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