This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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