The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
