it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
love makes seman taste better
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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