You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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