I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think my vagina is haunted
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
