He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
