I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
