Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
