found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
