totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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