she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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