you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
