Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
