last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
