fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
