yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
