I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
