He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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