If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
