woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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