You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
