dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Acid is not a monday night drug
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
