dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
