you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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