and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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