Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
