I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
