i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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