he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
