Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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