we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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