That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
