booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize