Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I deserve this hangover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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