Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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