The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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