Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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