p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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