Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
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