He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
