office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
