well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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