Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
